{"id":10873,"date":"2014-09-15T13:06:40","date_gmt":"2014-09-15T20:06:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=10873"},"modified":"2014-09-18T18:02:33","modified_gmt":"2014-09-19T01:02:33","slug":"work-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=10873","title":{"rendered":"Work Out."},"content":{"rendered":"

I see what you’re doing there.\u00a0 Posting your daily workout so you can keep track of your progress, make everyone else feel fat and lazy,<\/span> and encourage and inspire the rest of us.<\/p>\n

That’s sweet.\u00a0 I appreciate it.<\/p>\n

Thank you.<\/p>\n

I’d like to participate in this new fitness trend but my daily workout usually consists of walking on the treadmill at the gym in order to get a glimpse of satellite television for 30 minutes.\u00a0\u00a0 I don’t have a “leg day” or “chest & back day” as much as I have “Celebrity News on E! day” and “Alaska: The Last Frontier day.”\u00a0 Which is more entertaining and doesn’t have all the horrible side effects.<\/p>\n

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But then I realized I do have some workouts that are crippling.\u00a0 Which is apparently encouraging and inspiring.\u00a0 For example, today I started with toe touches.\u00a0 Otherwise known as removing all the broccoli, brussels sprouts, collards, kale, cabbage, and lettuce transplants from their 6 pack planting containers.<\/p>\n

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Then I moved on to 8 million squats.\u00a0 Or however many were required to put in those transplants plus seed additional rows of those crops as well as spinach, swiss chard, mesclun, and beets.\u00a0 I stopped counting after 45.\u00a0 Because once you hit 45 and there’s still an entire row of blank soil ahead of you, it’s better to just think about something else.<\/p>\n

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To break things up a little bit, I did several wind sprints.\u00a0 This is also known as chasing the chickens out of the garden.\u00a0 I forgot to close the garden gate and nothing attracts hens faster than digging in the soil and putting in tiny fresh greens.\u00a0 Hens can hear the soil being turned from a mile away and spot a newly sprouted seed as soon as they exit the coop at first light.<\/p>\n

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Now you might consider wind sprints a simple exercise.\u00a0 Just up the intensity of your exercise—-go faster or increase resistance in short bursts.\u00a0 I suppose you can do that if you want to take the easy way out.\u00a0 Chicken wind sprints involve walking casually towards the chicken, while studiously looking in the opposite direction.\u00a0 Under no circumstances do you want to make eye contact with the hen.\u00a0 When you’re within 6 feet, make your dash!\u00a0 Continue at top speed, zig zagging with the chicken around the garden, jumping over newly planted rows, swerving around garden stakes until said chicken panics enough to corner herself against the fence.\u00a0 Then grab her by the leg and hoist her over the fence.\u00a0 Repeat with remaining chickens or until you’re so winded that it feels like someone is stabbing you in the chest when you breathe.<\/p>\n

Once I was able to breathe pain-free, I resumed my planting.\u00a0 The next step involved lunges.\u00a0 Front lunges, lateral lunges, lunge and twist, curtsy lunge.\u00a0 All in the name of reaching the opposite side of the row.\u00a0 Smart gardeners make their garden rows narrow enough that the entire row can be reached comfortably from one side.\u00a0 Failing that, a gardener could always plant one side of the row, then walk around and plant from the other side.\u00a0 But if you’re the kind of gardener who makes the row too wide and is too anal to plant 1\/2 the row at a time (That messes up the symmetry, people.\u00a0 Sometimes you end up with only 2 plants in a row instead of 4 by doing it that way.\u00a0 OMG.\u00a0 Only 2 when every other row has 4!!!) then lunges it is.<\/p>\n

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With the plants and seeds in the ground I moved on to bent over rows.\u00a0 This is the process where I work my way over the rows, picking up large dirt clumps or rocks and old plant markers that were exposed by the planting and tossing them out of the way.<\/p>\n

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Then a quick cardio break when Good Vibrations came on the radio.\u00a0 Because you can’t not dance to that song\u00a0 And Marky Mark was much more enjoyable when he didn’t take himself so seriously.<\/a><\/p>\n

Some kettlebell dead lifts hauling the piles of debris even the goats found too stemmy to digest.<\/p>\n

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Which only left a few bar raises to wrap things up.\u00a0 All the stakes, rebar, and t-posts that were supporting the summer crops need to be hauled back up to the greenhouse for next year.<\/p>\n

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That’s the way we work out around here.\u00a0 Only takes a few hours.<\/p>\n

Oh, you ran a 5K?\u00a0 Good for you.<\/p>\n

I put in 60 ft of garden beds.\u00a0 That’s right, feet<\/strong><\/em>.\u00a0 Because I’m a patriot like that.<\/p>\n

What’s that?\u00a0 You finished an Ironman and got a trophy?\u00a0 Nice work.<\/p>\n

Can you eat that trophy?\u00a0 ‘Cause I’m looking at 3 types of lettuce, kale, spinach, swiss chard, mesclun, broccoli, brussels sprouts, collards, cabbage, and beets.<\/p>\n

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Stay tuned.\u00a0 Next week’s workout includes potatoes, carrots, and onions.<\/p>\n

Now if I could just get up that step into the house to take a break.\u00a0 Or I could rest right here….<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I see what you’re doing there.\u00a0 Posting your daily workout so you can keep track of your progress, make everyone else feel fat and lazy, and encourage and inspire the rest of us. That’s sweet.\u00a0 I appreciate it. Thank you. I’d like to participate in this new fitness trend but my daily workout usually consists […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10873","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10873","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10873"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11161,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10873\/revisions\/11161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}