{"id":15023,"date":"2018-10-04T20:00:33","date_gmt":"2018-10-05T03:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=15023"},"modified":"2018-10-08T17:34:02","modified_gmt":"2018-10-09T00:34:02","slug":"big-lessons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=15023","title":{"rendered":"Big Lessons."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The problem with parenting is that you never really know anything until you’ve lived through it.\u00a0 Sure, you can read parenting books and you can ask other parents, but until you’re actually trying to convince a living, breathing 2 year to put his poop in the potty you don’t really know, well,…you don’t know sh*t.<\/p>\n

That’s why raising the first child is less like parenting and more like a partnership.\u00a0 A partnership in one of those random, crazy start up companies that you invested in because it seemed like a good idea, the guy was cute, and you had a little bit of money laying around.\u00a0 What could go wrong?\u00a0 And the next thing you know, you are sitting in a nursery that cost thousands of dollars in renovations, going on your 17th sleepless night, and it’s just you and your firstborn, weeping hysterically.\u00a0 Both of you weeping hysterically.\u00a0 No one’s in charge on those nights.\u00a0 There is no parenting.<\/p>\n

Oh, there were with sleepless nights with the rest of ’em.\u00a0 But by then I had plans and tricks and strategies and coping mechanisms.\u00a0 All of which I learned from Big when he was little.\u00a0 That I learned with<\/em> Big.\u00a0 And that’s how it played out for the rest of his childhood–from the right preschool to the easiest road test examiner at the DMV.\u00a0 I researched all the options, gathered reviews, and then thrust Big out there.\u00a0 If it didn’t go well then he had an interesting story for his memoirs and his siblings had better odds at getting it right the next time around.<\/p>\n

But he wasn’t just the trial-and-error kid.\u00a0 As his siblings arrived he was also in charge of bringing me diapers or handing me bottles, pushing strollers, and getting the Wiggles started on the DVD player.\u00a0 Which morphed into kicking siblings out of the shower before they used up all the hot water,\u00a0 making a frozen pizza for everybody, or even picking a kid up from school or sports practice.\u00a0 We were less like parent and child for a lot years than we were like those ice cutter ships hurrying to rescue a stranded whale—-2 steel blades fiercely churning up ice, side by side, to get to the site of the emergency and clear a path for those coming up behind us.\u00a0 Just like those ice cutters we usually managed to rescue one whale just to find out another whale died the week before a couple miles away because no one happened to catch that one’s plight on camera.\u00a0 Which all makes whale rescuing, as well as being the firstborn, seem like a lot of work for not a lot of return.<\/p>\n

But wait!\u00a0 Scientists have found<\/a> that as adults, older siblings are more successful, less neurotic, and even smarter than their younger counterparts. On the issue of the eldests’ higher IQ scores, one researcher even stated:\u00a0\u201cEvery time you add a child, you\u2019re diluting the intellectual environment of everyone in the family,\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/a>Which explains why Big and I used to cuddle up on the couch to watch nature shows on PBS and last week Little and I watched Deadpool 2 together.\u00a0 Eh.<\/p>\n

Of course, parental attention plays a role in there somewhere.\u00a0 Big may not remember those 22 months when it was just me and him against the world.\u00a0 But at least I never forgot Big the way I left Middle at home last week after telling him that I would take him with me to the soccer game.\u00a0 It wasn’t until I was setting up the concessions stand that I realized Middle must still be up in his room waiting for me to tell him when we were leaving.\u00a0 At that game, Little scored all 3 goals and his coach asked for some photos of him playing soccer to put in the school bulletin.\u00a0 When I checked my family photos I discovered the last photos I took of Little playing soccer were when he was around 6 or 7 years old.\u00a0 He’s in 8th grade now.\u00a0 Eh.\u00a0 Even the best ice cutters can’t save all the whales all the time, people.<\/p>\n

Big’s days of co-parenting have finally come to a close, though.\u00a0 Last week he packed up and moved out, leaving behind peeling astronaut wallpaper, a rickety bookshelf, and enough holes in the walls to require a 5 gallon can of spackle.\u00a0 He’s not getting his security deposit back.<\/p>\n

He graduated from high school in the spring and finished his Associates of Applied Science in Welding this summer.\u00a0 He’s going to school full time for degrees in Computer Numerical Controlled Machining and Mechatronics while also welding at a custom metalworks shop 3 days a week.\u00a0 I don’t really understand anything<\/del> a lot of what he does, but I know he has found his passion.\u00a0 And it pays!\u00a0 It pays for his school and his rent and he just turned 19 years old, is supporting himself, living on his own, and loving what he does every day.<\/p>\n

I think I am supposed to be sad.\u00a0 Or wistful.\u00a0 Or baffled at how fast kids grow up.\u00a0 But I don’t have time for any of those things because I am just so excited for him.\u00a0 Yes, I remember bringing home baby Big on that fall day many years ago.\u00a0 I remember all our years of ice-cutting together (I even have pictures of most of them.\u00a0 Well, apparently, more of them than I have for Little.).\u00a0 I also remember when I first moved away from home and how it was the beginning of amazing things.\u00a0 There isn’t anything to be sad about.\u00a0 Except, maybe, for how long it is going to take to repair and repaint that room.<\/p>\n

Congratulations, Big, on all your accomplishments.\u00a0 Can’t wait to see what’s next.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The problem with parenting is that you never really know anything until you’ve lived through it.\u00a0 Sure, you can read parenting books and you can ask other parents, but until you’re actually trying to convince a living, breathing 2 year to put his poop in the potty you don’t really know, well,…you don’t know sh*t. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15023","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15023","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15023"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15023\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15055,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15023\/revisions\/15055"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15023"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15023"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15023"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}