{"id":1589,"date":"2010-11-03T16:53:00","date_gmt":"2010-11-03T23:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=1589"},"modified":"2011-01-18T12:44:12","modified_gmt":"2011-01-18T19:44:12","slug":"i-wish-i-was-cleaning-the-chicken-coop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=1589","title":{"rendered":"I wish I was cleaning the chicken coop."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>That’s what I planned to do today.\u00a0 But I’m not going to get to it.\u00a0 Because it’s raining.\u00a0 And it’s only 49 degrees outside.\u00a0 And when the kids left for school they were shivering and their pants were 4 inches above their ankles.\u00a0 Which can mean only one thing.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Time to switch out the summer clothes for the winter ones.<\/p>\n

Oh, how I\u00a0 dread the Changing of the Clothes.\u00a0 Winter chill means the worst of the garden chores are behind me.\u00a0 And the early darkness means I can fool most of the kids into an early bedtime (Never keep digital clocks around kids.\u00a0 Never.\u00a0 It totally undermines your role as the Diviner of the Hour).\u00a0 But it also means entire days spent digging through boxes and bins, bags and shelves.\u00a0 Sorting, sizing, and stacking.\u00a0 Labeling and laundering.\u00a0 If you have multiple children, I’m sure you know what I mean.<\/p>\n

People with more than one child live in the world of hand-me-downs and put-ups.\u00a0 Around here, we accept any clothes handed down from anyone at church or work.\u00a0 And as one child outgrows an outfit we put it up for when a younger sibling reaches that size.\u00a0 I know what you’re thinking.\u00a0 Surely, we don’t save Big’s clothes for Pretty to wear.\u00a0 As if anyone can tell the difference between jeans from the boys department and the ones from the girls section.\u00a0 Hey, boot cut is boot cut, my friends.\u00a0 For that matter, no one noticed when Middle and Little wore Pretty’s onesies, either.\u00a0 Yellow is <\/em>unisex, right?\u00a0 And I swear the latest issue of Vogue had men in pink shirts.\u00a0 That’s high fashion, people.\u00a0 In the end, all these hand-me-downs and put-ups result in a shed full of clothing tubs, neatly labeled by size and gender, and stacked for easy access.<\/p>\n

Ha ha!\u00a0 You didn’t actually believe that, did you? Because it’s really a shed full of clothing tubs that don’t actually contain the sizes they are labeled with.\u00a0 And the tubs are stacked extremely high, with the sizes you need on the bottom.\u00a0 Just for fun.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Let’s not mention the tubs that are stacked behind the extra refrigerator.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Because nothing says “I wish I was cleaning the chicken coop” like having to move a freaking fridge to get to the kids’ winter clothing.\u00a0 Or after emptying the fridge, moving it, and then opening the tub labeled “Size 5 Boy Winter” to discover it actually contains Size 4T Girl Summer.\u00a0 Awesome.<\/p>\n

All this work is as menial and mind numbing as it sounds.\u00a0 Although I do manage some existential pondering in the midst of the chaos.\u00a0 Like wondering, “Why do they make overalls with teddy bears on them in size 12 for boys?\u00a0 What boy in that size could actually wear them without getting beat up on the playground?”\u00a0 Or “Why do I have 25 pairs of size 5\/6 boys clothes but no size 7\/8?\u00a0 Is it possible that Big skipped right from size from 5\/6 to 10\/12?”\u00a0 How about, “Was I drunk when I decided to store the winter hats and gloves in a tub labeled dress shirts?”\u00a0 Never mind, “Which one of my friends gave me a girls long sleeved tee with the phrase Sexy Kitty on it?\u00a0 Do I actually hang out with people like that?” Most importantly, “Why are there too many hangers in the closet most of the year, but not enough when I actually need them to hang up clothes?”\u00a0 Really, it’s enough brain activity to prevent Alzheimer’s.\u00a0 Which is one of the few benefits.\u00a0 Because otherwise the work can be overwhelming.<\/p>\n

This is what one child’s clothes looks like when first pulled out of the shed.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

When I see a pile like this, I think we are blessed to have such generous friends and neighbors.\u00a0 Well, that’s mostly what I think.<\/p>\n

Here’s what it looks like after a couple hours of sorting.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

If you can’t see the difference, just observe the little sticky notes stuck to the couch telling me which pile is which.\u00a0 That’s progress.<\/p>\n

Of course, sometimes there’s a bit of one-step-forward, two-steps-back.\u00a0 Right after I washed and folded Little’s clothes and arranged them at the foot of the stairs to be carried up on my next trip, I went to the shed to dig out Middle’s boxes.\u00a0\u00a0 When I returned, sweaty and disheveled and ready to raid the kids’ Halloween bags for some chocolate encouragement, I discovered Tasha dog had risen from the foot of my bed and come downstairs to check out the action.\u00a0 Then she promptly knocked over all Little’s clothes and bedded down on them.\u00a0 As if she thought I left them for her own soft, cushiony, clean-smelling comfort.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I used to like that dog.<\/p>\n

Of course, sometimes the work is good for a laugh.\u00a0 I discovered this shirt in someone’s box.\u00a0 Any parents out there should know what it is.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

See, a while ago the public schools created a lovely holiday called The 100th Day of\u00a0 School.\u00a0 (Apparently they just don’t get enough partying on Dr. Suess Day.)\u00a0 It’s grand educational fun for the kids filled with counting and celebration.\u00a0 It also involves sending your child to school in an article of clothing decorated with 100 items.\u00a0 I’m not sure exactly what us parents did to deserve this punishment.\u00a0 The littlest kids can barely count 100 items without getting messed up and having to start over 5 or 6 times.\u00a0 The older kids are conflicted about what items are cool enough to wear to school (trust me, over age 8, they won’t consent to letting you put 100 stickers on their shirt).\u00a0 You’re not supposed to let young children use the hot glue gun and who do you really think gets to do the sewing if you head down that route?<\/p>\n

Besides, no matter what you do it will never match up to the little girl who comes in wearing a shirt that spells out 100th day in perfectly arranged and color coordinated little bows, all hand tied and stitched on.\u00a0 Or the boy in a shirt made up to look like a Transformer with 100 switches and toggles screen printed on it.\u00a0 Personally, I think parents like that need to have a lot more children or a very time-consuming hobby.\u00a0 Like training to be an astronaut.\u00a0 But that’s just me.<\/p>\n

So, I’m thrilled with the discovery of this shirt.\u00a0 It screams, “Take that, 100th Day!”\u00a0 And “I-Refuse-To-Keep-Up-With-The-Joneses!”\u00a0 Maybe even, “Bite me, Joneses!”\u00a0\u00a0 Best of all, it signifies that somewhere in my circle of friends is another mother who wakes up on 100th Day without a plan and no intention of breaking out the sewing machine.\u00a0 But she doesn’t panic.\u00a0 Nope, she heads straight to the drawer with the permanent marker and takes care of business.\u00a0 I am friends with some powerful people.\u00a0 We can be frazzled, but we can never be beaten.\u00a0 Yeah, take that, 100th day.<\/p>\n

In the end, a finished closet looks like this:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Don’t be envious of my fancy IKEA shelving unit.\u00a0\u00a0 I know it just looks like concrete blocks and wooden planks.\u00a0 It’s supposed to look like that.\u00a0 It’s called retro, people.\u00a0 Jeez.<\/p>\n

You’re probably wondering what the deal is with all the dress shirts.\u00a0 If you know my boys, you’ve probably never seen them in a dress shirt.\u00a0 These lovely shirts come out of the hand-me-downs and I always hang them up in their closet with high hopes.\u00a0 I’m not hoping for invitations to fancy events. I’m just hoping for the energy and desire to squeeze my boys into shirts with buttons at the neck and tails that constantly pull out of their pants.\u00a0 For some reason that energy and desire never comes.<\/p>\n

I mean, on a random Sunday morning I will wake inspired to override the boys’ complaining and enough stamina to undo and rebutton the ones who have buttoned their shirts sides together crooked (which is all of them).\u00a0 I will manage to find nice trousers with all (or most) of the belt loops and even a few belts that fit (with the help of Big’s awl to make necessary corrections).\u00a0 But by the time the screaming and nagging is over and we are sitting together in the church pew, it doesn’t feel worth it.\u00a0 I think there’s a reason Jesus never insisted on a dress code.\u00a0 It’s such a bad way to start off the day.<\/p>\n

So, in appreciation for the giving, I wash and hang the dress shirts.\u00a0\u00a0 Then I let the boys wear whatever they want to church.\u00a0 And to recitals.\u00a0 And for school pictures.\u00a0 And when all my boys have outgrown the shirts, I pass them down to another family in mint condition.\u00a0 Which is a trade off for the sweat pants that I pass down that are so well worn that they have holes in the knees.\u00a0 Sorry ’bout that.<\/p>\n

Now you know what it takes to get the kids out the door in clothing that is appropriate for the weather.\u00a0 Not everyone has what it takes to survive the process.\u00a0 Some people would just toss it in and head to WalMart for clothing.\u00a0 But I happen to be made of stronger stuff than most.\u00a0 After all, before the kids were old enough to do their own laundry this is what my window seat looked like when I had finished emptying all the hampers and getting everything washed and dried:<\/p>\n

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Which would make most people feel a little bit like this:<\/p>\n

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Struggle on, my friends.\u00a0 Struggle on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

That’s what I planned to do today.\u00a0 But I’m not going to get to it.\u00a0 Because it’s raining.\u00a0 And it’s only 49 degrees outside.\u00a0 And when the kids left for school they were shivering and their pants were 4 inches above their ankles.\u00a0 Which can mean only one thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[32],"class_list":["post-1589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-so-you-think-your-kids-are-bad","tag-kids"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1589"}],"version-history":[{"count":64,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1853,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1589\/revisions\/1853"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}