{"id":1922,"date":"2011-01-23T08:51:46","date_gmt":"2011-01-23T15:51:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=1922"},"modified":"2011-04-03T03:55:28","modified_gmt":"2011-04-03T10:55:28","slug":"who-needs-six-flags","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=1922","title":{"rendered":"Who needs Six Flags?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Apparently people pay a lot of money for ups and downs.\u00a0 I mean, a lot of money.\u00a0 Like $25 a ticket to ride the roller coaster again and again.\u00a0 And again.<\/p>\n

I can imagine what that roller coaster feels like.\u00a0 I can almost hear the click-clack-clicking of the coaster inching up the track when one of my goats doesn’t eat her breakfast.\u00a0 In agriculture we call this “going off feed.”\u00a0 Which loosely translates into “Uh-oh.”<\/p>\n

I can feel the fear and dread of being at the precipice, anticipating the fall as I check the color of her gums (worms?), examine her tail for signs of loose stool (rumen trouble?), and give her a quick rub down (injury?).\u00a0 The coaster crests and then…and then…<\/p>\n

Whoosh!\u00a0 My stomach flips during that first long drop when I find her leaning to the left side and circling in confusion at dinner time.\u00a0 The bottom falls out of my world and thoughts of basket ball practice, bathroom repairs, and what’s-for-dinner are swept away by the adrenalin flood of the descent.<\/p>\n

Before I can catch my breath, the plummet ends and I begin a frantic rush down the tracks.\u00a0 I call the vet, quiz other farmers, and scan the Web in a desperate search for a diagnosis at 60 mph.\u00a0 I cling to my seat through the twists and turns—listeriosis?\u00a0 anemia?\u00a0 goat polio?<\/p>\n

The loop-de-loop appears and for a moment I am upside, undecided, unable to move forward.\u00a0 But, at last, gravity reasserts itself, a diagnosis is reached, and a course of action is chosen.<\/p>\n

Only it’s too late.\u00a0 Night falls and I plunge into the darkness, entering the pitch black of the ride’s tunnel.\u00a0 I close my eyes and hold on–helpless, heart pounding, hoping for a sliver of light, longing for daybreak.<\/p>\n

I burst into sunlight.\u00a0 Is it over?\u00a0 Not even close.\u00a0 I rush to the barn and discover my goat on her side, tummy bloated, neck arched, and legs extended stiffly.\u00a0 The click-clack-clicking begins again as the roller coaster climbs and her life ticks away.\u00a0 I inject drugs, give oral drenches, and pound homeopathic meds.\u00a0 I kneel by her side, begging her to hold on.\u00a0 I brace myself for the steep drop-off to death.<\/p>\n

Imagine my surprise when the coaster reaches the top of the tracks and it is not a devastating dive, but a series of rugged bumps that lies ahead.\u00a0 Up and down, up and down.\u00a0 A climb as she shows signs of recovery and sits up.\u00a0 A slide as her head wobbles uncontrollably and she stares vacantly into the distance.\u00a0 A rise–she stands and walks!\u00a0 A drop–she has to be hand fed and can’t seem to find the hay roll.\u00a0 Another ascent when I spot her foraging with the herd in the woods and she wags her tail in acknowledgment as I approach.<\/p>\n

Can it be?\u00a0 Is the ride over?\u00a0 The coaster slows as I round the final curve and see friends waving gaily from the platform.\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 It is finished!\u00a0 She is gonna make it!\u00a0 I take a deep breath and disembark with shaky legs.<\/p>\n

So I can imagine what the roller coaster feels like.\u00a0 I just cannot imagine why in the hell you would get on one.\u00a0 And go on it again?\u00a0 Are you freaking kidding me??!!!<\/p>\n

How ’bout you come over here and pay me $25 to ride my roller coaster?\u00a0 Someone or something is bound to be sick, injured, or lost again next month.\u00a0 Enjoy.\u00a0 And don’t forget your puke bag.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Dedicated to Josie, who took us on a ride filled with panic, fear, despair, hope, and jubilation.\u00a0 All in 24 hours.\u00a0 She’s thinking of opening her own amusement park.\u00a0 I told her House of Horrors would be a better description.\u00a0 She said, “You’re such a baby for a farmer, don’t you think?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Apparently people pay a lot of money for ups and downs.\u00a0 I mean, a lot of money.\u00a0 Like $25 a ticket to ride the roller coaster again and again.\u00a0 And again. I can imagine what that roller coaster feels like.\u00a0 I can almost hear the click-clack-clicking of the coaster inching up the track when one […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[102,108],"class_list":["post-1922","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-goat","tag-shots"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1922","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1922"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1922\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2076,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1922\/revisions\/2076"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1922"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1922"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1922"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}