{"id":3942,"date":"2012-03-06T18:15:58","date_gmt":"2012-03-07T01:15:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=3942"},"modified":"2012-03-07T04:32:55","modified_gmt":"2012-03-07T11:32:55","slug":"idid-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=3942","title":{"rendered":"iDid it."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The iPad is not so much a modern tool of technology as it is a wedge.\u00a0 A simple old fashioned tool.\u00a0 Used to pry apart every parent and their teenage children.<\/p>\n

Ever since Big and Pretty saved up to buy an iPad they have lost all sense of the work ethic, diligence, and family connectedness that enabled them to buy it in the first place.\u00a0 It used to be that if the house was too quiet I went looking for the kids because they were probably devouring mounds of Halloween candy they had been hiding under their bed.\u00a0 Or frantically trying every form of household glue they could find to fix some valuable item that they had broken by playing ball in the house.\u00a0 Or even using every towel in the linen closet to soak up a water experiment gone wrong in the bathroom.<\/p>\n

But now, when it’s quiet, I know I will find all 4 of them them holed up in someone’s room, the curtains drawn for better viewing, playing endless rounds of video games.\u00a0 Angry birds, Where’s My Water, and Pocket God.\u00a0 Say whatever you want, but building fine motor control and hand-eye coordination was never really a problem for the generations of kids before video games.\u00a0 And although there are educational games available on iPad, I promise you that your kids are not sneaking around upstairs to play educational games.\u00a0 I mean, the iPad isn’t even spelled correctly.\u00a0 Last time I checked, the capital letter goes at the beginning of a proper noun.\u00a0 Although it’s unlikely that kids have noticed since in their world it is KWL to KIT by TXT, KWIM?<\/p>\n

My kids aren’t even taking turns with the iPad.\u00a0 No, the younger ones, who were deemed not old enough to purchase an iPad, sit in silence, afraid to speak for fear they will banished from the room and never get to see what lies on the Rattlesnake Gutter Level of Snuggle Truck.\u00a0 Only in the rarest moments of largess, or perhaps when Big wants to keep Middle or Little from tattling that he shoved them when they were at the sink brushing their teeth in the morning, are they allowed to play.\u00a0 We thought that by telling Middle and Little that they had to wait until they were older to save for an iPad, we would prevent them from an early gaming addiction.\u00a0 Instead, we have given them an uncomfortable and up close view of tyranny, OPEC-type control of resources, and how only Spiderman actually believes that with great power comes great responsibility.\u00a0 Siblings think that great power gives them an excuse to beat their younger housemates over the head with it.\u00a0 Sometimes parenting can go horribly wrong.<\/p>\n

All of this goes along with the fact that, OMG!, Wii sports is not actually equivalent exercise to playing a sport<\/a>.\u00a0 But I could write a whole other blog post about the evils of Wii.\u00a0 I just choose not to because last month I bought them a new game for their Wii.\u00a0 A shooting game.\u00a0 Yes, with real rifles.\u00a0 I am still dealing with the break in my psyche.\u00a0 Obviously, I am truly a sick and conflicted person.<\/p>\n

Regardless, I was determined to disconnect Big from the iPad for a few hours.\u00a0 I had taken it away repeatedly for overuse but that only resulted in sulking and further petulant abuse of his siblings.\u00a0 So, I assigned him to helping me with an outside chore.\u00a0 Which also resulted in sulking.\u00a0 But, of course, his siblings disappeared instantly at the mention of outside work so there was no chance they could be kicked or shoved as he stomped around in pursuit of his work boots.\u00a0 Children with multiple siblings are survivalists at heart.<\/p>\n

As we prepared to go outside, Big complained that he couldn’t find his work gloves because I moved them.\u00a0 I countered that if he kept his room clean enough that I could vacuum the floor without having to move armloads of stuff, he’d know where they were.\u00a0 He complained that he had outgrown his mud boots and now he’d have to wear his tennis shoes.\u00a0 I countered that he never told anyone his mud boots no longer fit and I was not a mind reader.\u00a0 He took forever finding a coat and going to the bathroom and filling a water bottle.\u00a0 I told him the longer he took to get ready, the longer we’d be working outside.\u00a0 Basically, I said everything that every parent all over the world has said to their teen.\u00a0 And he retaliated with the heavy sighs, eye rolling, and disgusted shakes of the head that every teen all over the world has used in response.\u00a0 Ah, the sacred rites of raising children.\u00a0 Almost brings a sentimental tear to the eye.\u00a0 Almost.<\/p>\n

Having dutifully fulfilled our filial roles in life, we finally trudged out to the top of the driveway.<\/p>\n

“We’re going to rake the leaves out of the ditches along the driveway and carry them to the chicken pasture,”\u00a0 I announced.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

“Why?” Big asked.<\/p>\n

“So the water will run into the pond instead of overflowing the ditches and washing away the gravel in the driveway.”\u00a0 Also,\u00a0 this job will keep you off the iPad.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Why can’t we just do the section of ditch up to the pond and leave the rest alone?”\u00a0 Big asked.<\/p>\n

“Gotta do the whole thing or else the leaves will just blow into the sections we raked.”\u00a0 Also, the more raking, the more time off the iPad.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Why do we have to carry the leaves up to the chicken pasture when we can just throw them over the fence into this pasture right here?” Big asked.<\/p>\n

“Sorry, but the chicken pasture is getting muddy so we’re getting dirty eggs in the nest boxes.\u00a0 We need all the leaves to freshen the pasture and keep the hens out of the mud.”\u00a0 Also, the farther we carry the leaves, the longer you’ll be away from the iPad.<\/em><\/p>\n

He sighed.\u00a0 He spread out the tarp.\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 Then he began to rake.\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 Then he helped gather the sides of the tarp together to haul to the chicken pen.\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 Then he helped pour the leaves out of the tarp.\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 And walked back to the driveway.<\/p>\n

I was amazed.\u00a0 Don’t tell him, but sighing is way less annoying then when he was four.\u00a0 When he was four, he never stopped asking “Why?” during a chore.\u00a0 Never. <\/strong>By the time he was on his 35th “Why? I had to beg him to stop helping me and go inside and watch cartoons.\u00a0 I just couldn’t take it anymore.\u00a0 But, sighing?\u00a0 Please.\u00a0 What woman worthy of the name Mother would fold under the pressure of a sigh?<\/p>\n

Besides, I am a big fan of the long suffering sigh.\u00a0 I use it freely throughout the day.\u00a0 Like when people toss their shoes on the mudroom floor, right next to the shoe rack.\u00a0 Or when someone spills their drink at the dinner table while attempting to make bubbles in their milk.\u00a0 Or when I open the fridge to find an entire pot with a bit of leftover macaroni and cheese in it sitting on the shelf with a layer of plastic wrap over it.\u00a0 With the serving spoon still in it.\u00a0 As if Tupperware hasn’t even been invented yet.<\/p>\n

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.\u00a0 Awwwwww, he still loves his mommy. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

By the time we finished the 4th load he was telling me about how they have started badminton in gym.\u00a0 And that it’s actually pretty fun for a girly sport.\u00a0 I told him it wasn’t necessarily a sport for girls.\u00a0 That sports are for everyone to enjoy and we shouldn’t assume gender relates to sports performance.\u00a0 He said feminism isn’t taught in middle school but it was nice that I still believed in it—-even though I’m the only one who has cleaned under the oven burners in the 10 years that we’ve owned the stove.\u00a0 Touche.\u00a0 (And cleaning the oven will be our next iPad free project.)<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As we watched the chickens breaking down their new leaf piles, he told me about the new series he was reading, Mortal Engines<\/a>, where the cities attack and eat each other and we talked about our favorite books.\u00a0 I insisted that a happy ending was important.\u00a0 He shrugged and said a sad ending was more realistic.\u00a0 Ah, the tortured soul of the spoiled, middle class, never-been-hungry-for-a-minute-in-his-life teenager.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

By the time the entire pasture was filled and the roosters were guarding the hens as they foraged, we had moved on to a discussion of dependence on infrastructure and whether our farm could really provide for us if we had no other support.\u00a0 I told him I was sure we’d do just fine.\u00a0 But then I remembered how I haven’t been able to grow potatoes after 4 years of trying.\u00a0 So I suggested there was no shame in stockpiling food ahead of a disaster.\u00a0 You know, just in case.\u00a0 Stupid potatoes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

When the driveway was finished, we stood at the top, admiring our work, and tried to figure out if the slope of the driveway was more instrumental in water flow down the driveway or the depth of the ditches.\u00a0 I told him that we had spent lots of money grading the driveway and a lot of time digging the ditches deeper and the water still washed the driveway out in bad storms.\u00a0 So we shouldn’t underestimate the will of the water.\u00a0 He nodded and said I shouldn’t really talk about the will of inanimate objects or balancing energy fields or karmic resolutions outside of the family so much.\u00a0 Just a helpful hint.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

After that successful project, Big decided to stay outside with me and help find a good spot to anchor Papa Noel’s new automatic feeder.\u00a0 And a way to fix his watering trough.\u00a0 As we worked, we mulled over inscrutable issues like whether having hands enabled humans to learn, thereby increasing their brain power, or whether having good brains enabled them to learn how to use their hands. We decided that, no matter what what, having hands made us top of the food chain.<\/p>\n

With a good day’s work behind us (and 6 hours without the iPad)<\/em> we came out of Papa’s pasture and discovered that all the goats had escaped into the front yard through a gate we had not closed very tightly.\u00a0 Somehow they managed to open the gate.\u00a0 Without the use of hands.\u00a0 It took us 20 minutes and a whole bucket of sweet feed to catch them.\u00a0 Which made us doubt that whole “top of the food chain” thing.\u00a0 And made us laugh until we cried.<\/p>\n

Turns out that a wedge can only be used to drive you apart if you let it.\u00a0 Which doesn’t mean that Big won’t be sucked back into the iPad tomorrow and I won’t be screaming at him to get off it.\u00a0 Just means that I have plenty of tools to help keep us together.\u00a0 And there isn’t a screen or video game in the world that can compete with what a bit of fresh air, good company, and some simple chores have to offer.\u00a0 Try and upgrade that, Apple!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The iPad is not so much a modern tool of technology as it is a wedge.\u00a0 A simple old fashioned tool.\u00a0 Used to pry apart every parent and their teenage children. Ever since Big and Pretty saved up to buy an iPad they have lost all sense of the work ethic, diligence, and family connectedness […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3942","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3942","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3942"}],"version-history":[{"count":62,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3942\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4001,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3942\/revisions\/4001"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3942"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3942"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3942"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}