{"id":5994,"date":"2012-09-14T04:08:44","date_gmt":"2012-09-14T11:08:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=5994"},"modified":"2012-09-17T03:42:49","modified_gmt":"2012-09-17T10:42:49","slug":"homeland-security","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/?p=5994","title":{"rendered":"Homeland Security."},"content":{"rendered":"

We rest easy at our place.<\/p>\n

Bruno is in charge of alerting us to any vehicles\u00a0coming up the driveway.\u00a0 Also, making us aware of any bikers that are approaching the vicinity.\u00a0 No biker may pass without an escort for the length of our property line.\u00a0\u00a0Then there’s\u00a0the heron that tries to get into his pond.\u00a0 Oh, he hates that heron with a passion.\u00a0 But not as much as he hates the vulture who enjoys sunning himself in an old dead tree on the dam.\u00a0 He is not able to scare him off.\u00a0 So he must sit beneath the tree and guard him vigilantly until him decides to go away.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

But should anyone make it past Bruno’s security, the puppies take over, ensuring no one reaches the front door without notice.<\/p>\n

When we finished our addition, I installed a doorbell on the new front door.\u00a0 By “installed” I mean I bought a doorbell button that sticks to the door frame with 2 sided tape and a plug in speaker in the hallway.\u00a0 Apparently they communicate with each other via mind link\u00a0and and a chime sounds in the hallway when someone pushes the button.\u00a0 I believe there are wired doorbell options that involve an electrician\u00a0to attach it the electrical system in your house and and a brick mason to cut a hole in the\u00a0masonry surrounding your\u00a0front door.\u00a0 I’m not sure why anyone would choose that option.\u00a0 Unless you’re married to an electrician and a brick mason.\u00a0 Which I think is called polygamy and is illegal in this state.\u00a0 Besides, even with 2 husbands it would still probably be\u00a0faster to install it yourself using the mind link style.<\/p>\n

I’m telling you,\u00a0my doorbell was “installed” in 3.5 minutes.\u00a0 A full 2 minutes of which was deciding if the Westminister chime setting was too ostentatious for a house where you have to shoo chickens off the doorstep before you push the bell.<\/p>\n

Despite all my hard work, though, the doorbell is rarely used.\u00a0 Because the puppies pick up the baying where Bruno leaves off and no one manages to open their car door without us already knowing they’ve arrived.\u00a0 It’s a wonderful feeling to know that you are safely protected by this trio of furry homeland security.\u00a0No one can sneak up on you undetected.\u00a0\u00a0Few people would risk a\u00a0B&E in the face of such a vigorous alarm.<\/p>\n

Also, with all that warning you have time to put a bra on before having to greet the Jehovah’s Witnesses or sign for a package from UPS man.\u00a0 We should all be grateful for\u00a0the little things.\u00a0 Especially the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the UPS man.<\/p>\n

But it’s not just burglars or evangelists or delivery men that the puppies are on guard against.\u00a0 No, siree, they are true dedicated professionals.\u00a0 Bastions of vigilance, courage, and defense.<\/p>\n

I know this because not a single ray of sunshine may enter our home without being carefully policed.\u00a0 No sunbeam can escape their scrutiny.\u00a0 No flash or gleam or sparkle dares to to do anything more than slowly creep across the floor, hands raised in suplication.\u00a0 Watched for every second, every minute of its appearance, its trail\u00a0examined for suspicious or threatening behavior.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This is serious work.\u00a0 Move slowly and keep your rays where we can see them, sunshine.\u00a0 ‘Cause we will kick your as*.\u00a0 For real.\u00a0 We’ll do it.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Yes, we rest easy around here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We rest easy at our place. Bruno is in charge of alerting us to any vehicles\u00a0coming up the driveway.\u00a0 Also, making us aware of any bikers that are approaching the vicinity.\u00a0 No biker may pass without an escort for the length of our property line.\u00a0\u00a0Then there’s\u00a0the heron that tries to get into his pond.\u00a0 Oh, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5994","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5994","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5994"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5994\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6088,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5994\/revisions\/6088"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5994"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5994"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5994"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}