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<\/a><\/p>\nOn the day we moved in, I dropped a can of beans on the kitchen floor while stocking the cabinets and it left a huge dent.\u00a0 Which was the first time that I realized that pine floors were very soft.\u00a0 It was all down hill from there.\u00a0 By the time we had 4 kids and 4 dogs, a guest at a dinner party noted the floors’ condition.<\/p>\n “Nice!”\u00a0 he exclaimed as he peered at the various scuffs and scrapes.\u00a0 “Is this reclaimed farm house flooring?”<\/p>\n “Um, no.\u00a0 It was nice and new when we put it in.”<\/p>\n “Ah,” he replied.\u00a0 “I think I saw this effect on HGTV.\u00a0 The homeowners put in new hard wood floors but then beat them with chains to get the\u00a0 ‘lived in’ look of reclaimed farm house floors.”<\/p>\n “Huh,”\u00a0 I said, wondering who this guy had arrived with and if there was no end to the stupid things that rich people on television home decorating shows were willing to do.\u00a0 “We just lived in it.”<\/p>\n The dining room floors were the only well-preserved flooring in the house because they were protected from the damage inflicted on the rest of the house.\u00a0 Primarily because the dining room was just a junk room used to store projects-in-progress, boxes of out of season clothing, overflowing piles of children’s artwork and documents to be filed, and unused exercise equipment.\u00a0 Every once in a while, I would shove a box out of the way in order to add something to the mountain o’ crap on the dining room table and I’d notice the softly gleaming floors under my feet.<\/p>\n The flooring in the dining room was so lovely.\u00a0 And it might have stayed that way.\u00a0 Except for that whole Fannie Mae\/Freddie Mac thing.<\/p>\n You see when the government bailed out Fannie Mae\/Freddie Mac I lost my shi<\/span>, um, marbles.\u00a0 I couldn’t understand why The Other Half and I were living within our means, cramming 2 kids per bedroom, and having to use our dining room for storage because we were having to build our house on our own, one bit at a time, whenever The Other Half had time off from work and we had the extra money to do anything.\u00a0 Clearly, the rest of America bought homes that were completely finished, had a room for each of their children, a fully useable dining room, and when they couldn’t make the payments, the government made the payments for them.<\/p>\n Well, isn’t that just the American dream?<\/p>\n That’s when I realized that debt free living is only for Suzie Orman and the rest of us suckers.\u00a0 And, really, who was I to stand up against the American way of life?\u00a0 Which is how I ended up with a loan payment, a contractor, a home addition, a separate office\/exercise\/garage\/guest room<\/a> to store our crap, and the ability to finally sit down at our dining room and eat as a family.\u00a0 Amen and God Bless debt-ridden America.\u00a0 I’m not really worried about it.\u00a0 Because as soon as Obama fixes it so that I get free health care from the government instead of having to pay for my health insurance, plus the health insurance of everyone else who doesn’t have a job, I’ll have plenty of extra money in my paycheck to pay off the loan.\u00a0 And if that doesn’t work out, perhaps I’ll just start balancing my checkbook Congress-style.\u00a0 I bet if I make tacos and fresh ice cream for dinner I can get a majority vote from my family to raise our debt ceiling.<\/p>\n The downside to my financial revelation was that the dining room floors were finally exposed to the destructive forces of daily life in our household— chair scraping leaving scuff marks, shoes with a trapped piece of gravel making gouges, dropped forks and glasses causing scratches, and dog nails creating indents.\u00a0 I guess it happened gradually.\u00a0 Because I really didn’t notice until I was sweeping up the last of those pine needles.<\/p>\n Imagine that!\u00a0 The “lived in” look without all the time and effort of beating it with chains or socks full of nuts and bolts, or (what the hell are people thinking???!!!!) a blowtorch<\/a>.\u00a0 Perhaps I don’t need a higher debt ceiling.\u00a0 Perhaps I could rent out my kids and dogs to rich people so they can add a “distressed” or “vintage” finish to their hardwood floors.\u00a0 Perhaps I could soak in said rich people’s hot tub or swim in their pools while my kids and dogs are working.\u00a0 Hmmmm….I wonder if craigslist is the right place to advertise for this type of service….<\/p>\n In any case, the “lived in” floors of my home go along perfectly with the “lived in” look of our kitchen table….<\/p>\n (which looks like this up close)<\/p>\n ….and the “lived in” look of our chopping block table<\/p>\n (which looks like this up close).<\/p>\n And we didn’t even have to walk on those surfaces to “distress” them.\u00a0 Just standing and sitting next to them was distressing enough.<\/p>\n I know what you’re thinking.\u00a0 Overkill.<\/p>\n Please, people.\u00a0 It’s called a decorating theme<\/strong><\/em>.\u00a0 According to Decor Girl<\/a>, themes<\/em> are the unifying<\/em> idea which defines the character of the interior design of a home.\u00a0 Around here we are unified by our ability to distress things.\u00a0 Apparently, it’s our superpower.<\/p>\n Because when I realized the bank could not be bribed to raise my debt ceiling with tacos and ice cream, I had to settle for vinyl instead of hardwood floors in some areas of our new construction.\u00a0 I went for vinyl in the mud room and entrance hall, of course.\u00a0 But the 2 new bedrooms for the kids got vinyl, too.\u00a0 I figured it looked like hardwood, could be swept and cleaned easily like hardwood, but wasn’t as susceptible to damage.\u00a0 Here’s what those areas ended up with:<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/em><\/em>
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