Ruffled Feathers and Spilled Milk

Farming with ducks and dairy goats, chickens and children.

Completely Compatible.

Posted on | April 14, 2013 | 5 Comments

I’m used to wearing a lot of hats around here.  On any given day I’m the mom, the cook, the landscaper, the farmer, the construction worker, the plumber, the veterinarian, the housekeeper, the seamstress, and the accounts payable office.  I have barn clothes, business suits, work uniforms, and church dresses in my closet.  But this weekend, for the first time, I got to be something entirely new.

A groomsmen.

That’s right, I stood up in my work partner’s wedding.  On his side.  With all the other guys.  Which The Other Half enjoyed greatly.  Because even though I spend as much time with my work partner as I do with The Other Half, now The Other Half knows he really doesn’t have to worry.

“Hah!” said The Other Half when I told him.  “All that time you spend together and he doesn’t even know you’re a woman!!  Awesome!”


I like to think my femininity shines through the 5.11 tactical pants and combat boots.  Probably.  Maybe.  Eh.

In any case, it’s a great honor to be asked to participate in someone’s wedding.  (And a relief not to have to wear a bridesmaid dress.)  So I prepared accordingly, using all my experience as a bridesmaid over the years.

Early on the morning of the wedding, Pretty and I left to get mani-pedis at the local salon.  And then we were no good for the rest of the day.  Not that there weren’t tons of things we needed to do this weekend.  But because once your nails are done, there aren’t too many hats you can wear around here without ruining that beautiful hot pink polish.

Scrubbing a sink full of dirty dishes?  Not without leaving a chip in your fingernails.

Mowing the lawn after 2″ of rain and and a 4″ growth spurt?  Not without turning your perfectly polished feet green.

Digging through the boxes in the shed to get out the summer clothes?  Not without ripping a nail.

Move the pig pen to its next location in the garden?  Not possible without getting pig mud up to your ankles.

Turns out most of my jobs are completely incompatible with remaining neatly groomed before the wedding.  Which would have made for a boring afternoon.  Except for my groomsmen gift.

Now, perhaps, like me, you’ve lived the life of “Always a bridesmaid, never a groomsmen.”  So you’ve gotten plenty of bridesmaid gifts—matching earrings or bracelets to wear with your bridesmaid dress, puffy satchels to carry your lipstick and compact in at the wedding, soap, candles, silver picture frames, blah, blah, girly blah.

Here’s what my partner gave me as my groomsmen gift.

And, as it turns out, it goes perfectly with the state of helplessness associated with a mani-pedi.  Completely compatible.

It makes the time pass before the wedding as smooth as silk through your fingers.  And prepares you for your important groomsmen duties.  Which consist of standing around the parlor with the other groomsmen, cracking jokes, and sipping more alcohol while the women are closeted up, touching up make up, fixing fancy hairdos, arranging skirts, and calming the bride.

I have seen the other side, ladies.

We are doing it all wrong.

Because some things just don’t go well together.  Like a nice mani-pedi and getting the chores done. Or a lot of stress and fuss before the big event.

And somethings go together just perfectly.  Absolutely perfect.

Congratulations, Nils and Courtney.  Thanks for letting me be part of your special day!


5 Responses to “Completely Compatible.”

  1. Courtney and Nils
    April 14th, 2013 @ 9:57 am

    Thanks Stevie! We were so glad you and your family could celebrate with us!!

  2. Andrew
    April 14th, 2013 @ 11:31 am

    I, for one, am offended at this provocative attack on traditional marriage. What’s the world coming to when we allow women into the sanctified role of groomsman? It’s supposed to be Adam and Steve, not Adam and Stevie.

    No, wait. That’s not right. It’s… oh, never mind. You looked great in your “tux.”

  3. Tanya Lam
    April 15th, 2013 @ 11:07 am


  4. Patrick
    April 15th, 2013 @ 6:45 pm

    Becoming an honorary dude. Isn’t that really what all women want? Awesome job!

  5. Jane Volland
    April 16th, 2013 @ 4:38 pm

    I loved reading your account of being a groomsmen. I have never had a mani-pedi. Perhaps if I have one, my son Nils will give me Jack Daniels too!

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