Ruffled Feathers and Spilled Milk

Farming with ducks and dairy goats, chickens and children.

Homeland Security.

Posted on | September 14, 2012 | 6 Comments

We rest easy at our place.

Bruno is in charge of alerting us to any vehicles coming up the driveway.  Also, making us aware of any bikers that are approaching the vicinity.  No biker may pass without an escort for the length of our property line.  Then there’s the heron that tries to get into his pond.  Oh, he hates that heron with a passion.  But not as much as he hates the vulture who enjoys sunning himself in an old dead tree on the dam.  He is not able to scare him off.  So he must sit beneath the tree and guard him vigilantly until him decides to go away.

But should anyone make it past Bruno’s security, the puppies take over, ensuring no one reaches the front door without notice.

When we finished our addition, I installed a doorbell on the new front door.  By “installed” I mean I bought a doorbell button that sticks to the door frame with 2 sided tape and a plug in speaker in the hallway.  Apparently they communicate with each other via mind link and and a chime sounds in the hallway when someone pushes the button.  I believe there are wired doorbell options that involve an electrician to attach it the electrical system in your house and and a brick mason to cut a hole in the masonry surrounding your front door.  I’m not sure why anyone would choose that option.  Unless you’re married to an electrician and a brick mason.  Which I think is called polygamy and is illegal in this state.  Besides, even with 2 husbands it would still probably be faster to install it yourself using the mind link style.

I’m telling you, my doorbell was “installed” in 3.5 minutes.  A full 2 minutes of which was deciding if the Westminister chime setting was too ostentatious for a house where you have to shoo chickens off the doorstep before you push the bell.

Despite all my hard work, though, the doorbell is rarely used.  Because the puppies pick up the baying where Bruno leaves off and no one manages to open their car door without us already knowing they’ve arrived.  It’s a wonderful feeling to know that you are safely protected by this trio of furry homeland security. No one can sneak up on you undetected.  Few people would risk a B&E in the face of such a vigorous alarm.

Also, with all that warning you have time to put a bra on before having to greet the Jehovah’s Witnesses or sign for a package from UPS man.  We should all be grateful for the little things.  Especially the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the UPS man.

But it’s not just burglars or evangelists or delivery men that the puppies are on guard against.  No, siree, they are true dedicated professionals.  Bastions of vigilance, courage, and defense.

I know this because not a single ray of sunshine may enter our home without being carefully policed.  No sunbeam can escape their scrutiny.  No flash or gleam or sparkle dares to to do anything more than slowly creep across the floor, hands raised in suplication.  Watched for every second, every minute of its appearance, its trail examined for suspicious or threatening behavior.

This is serious work.  Move slowly and keep your rays where we can see them, sunshine.  ‘Cause we will kick your as*.  For real.  We’ll do it.

Yes, we rest easy around here.


6 Responses to “Homeland Security.”

  1. Alex
    September 14th, 2012 @ 5:23 am

    I am pretty sure that we are part of the same soul.

    Also, as a NC girl, far far from home, living in Germany, with a love for the small farm, I love reading about your exploits. Not only do you and the things that you go through remind me of me, but you also are a nice fresh breeze of home blowing past me.
    So thanks.

  2. Anne Kimball
    September 14th, 2012 @ 9:57 am

    You are too funny. I think you and I are kindred spirits, perhaps.
    Just shared this on my FB page.

  3. Laura
    September 14th, 2012 @ 12:00 pm

    THIS is Homeland Security that I could love!!

    Sooo funny, you are!

  4. Lisa D
    September 15th, 2012 @ 5:34 am

    You make me miss having dogs around 🙁 You may just be the best bet my children have for another in our future….

  5. Jill
    September 15th, 2012 @ 9:50 am

    yeah, the cats lounging in every scrap of sunlight isn’t nearly as impressive. There’s a joke about a Congress of cats never getting anything done because of the moving sunlight and errant moonbeams… LOL Stevie.. puppies? Loved the story. Poor Bruno.

  6. Mary-G D.
    September 18th, 2012 @ 1:28 pm

    Perhaps the government should revamp the nation’s Homeland Security staffing. Could save a bundle on taxes and just imagine the holiday parties they would have. Kibble buffet and bacon fountains galore! Thanks for another great, witty and fun post.

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